.High Maintenance.

I have a great computer. Itís new and shiny and fast, and despite the rumors and stereotypes about Windows, it works fine too. I donít even turn it off. Also the washing machine has only broken once since Iíve lived here. The refrigerator keeps food cold, freezer keeps them colder as expected. The oven, stove, and microwave even do their respective jobs quite well.

Now me on the other handÖ

I just finished my nightly self-maintenance ritual which eats up more precious time than Iíd like to think about. It all starts with flossing, brushing well, and Listerine as recommended by my dentist. Then the shower, which includes the usual washing with pretty-smelling shower gel of choice, the shaving of legs and other applicable body parts, the washing of hair, followed by the conditioning of hair. I think I may have even conditioned twice tonight, forgetting which step I was at. Next I seem to be required by law to wash my face with an expensive facial cleanser bar and facial toner matched to my skin type. Going all out, Iíd also use an apricot scrub and slimy green mask.

Mornings are a quite toned down version of this ritual, but add my recent discovery of makeup at this unlikely age (see We Are Raising Our Daughters to be Masochists) and thereís one more time consuming how-dare-you-present-your-plain-face-to-the-world step.

Unfortunately, our bodies still demand more.

It doesnít help being a picky eater. I sometimes wonder how I didnít die of malnutrition as a child when I can only remember all the things I didnít eat at school lunch. Luckily I donít have any memory of being constantly hungry until college. Besides picky, Iím also the type of person who has to eat small amounts at small intervals all day. Iíve heard thatís even a healthier way to eat, but society still expects us to conform to the three meals a day, ďlunch hourĒ mindset. Therefore I either feel like an overeating pig (but Iím hungry!) or that Iím about to pass out any minute from hunger.

Oh, and weíre supposed to be eating healthy food too? Nevermind the fact that I donít have the time, money, talent, or desire to make anything more advanced than a bowl of cereal. And that PMS-induced Mocha Blast craving says that Iím gonna get one and whoever stands in my way better know whatís cominí.

Sleep, I say, is overrated. But if I donít my body punishes me with badly hurting legs. Donít eat for too long, I get lightheaded. Too much sugar, I shake. Want to go to bed early? Yeah, right. I donít think Iím capable of sleeping before 2am. Yes my body is demanding.

It seems what it all comes down to is this: If a piece of equipment took this much maintenance weíd have replaced it long ago. Well Iíve had this body long enough, isnít it time to upgrade to a more efficient model?