I'm eating egg-noodle stoup from a latte cup thinking random thoughts. Actually by now I've forgotten all but one; things my mom told me honestly that no one else seems to:
'Don't let anyone tell you that your feelings don't count just because you're young.' I have to remind this one to myself even, that just because my first love was young naïve love, it still counts at least in a young naïve way.
'Yes it does hurt to get your ears pierced.' And I have to agree because no matter what people try to say, I don't see how putting holes in your body couldn't hurt. Not that I have anything against putting holes in your body, it's just not for me.
'No you won't really look like you're 20 when you're 40. I'm 40 and I look 40.'
I'm 21.
"No! You're 16"
septmember.8.1999
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It's going to be a slow start until I get an audience. Writing for myself and putting it on a web page feels like getting undressed in front of an open window. If it was someone in my room at least I'd know who I was showing off for.
septmember.9.1999
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I participated in a usability study for Shopnow.com the other day, and got myself $50 out of the deal. This was predetermined clothes money and I have been having some serious clothes-lust ever since.
There's the stereotype that shopping for women is an event while shopping for men is a 'tactical strike,' get in and get out, and I've been pushing the extreme of my gender lately. This despite the fact that I'd be much better off picking a store and finding $50 to spend there.
The last couple days I've been checking out my options in every possible place. I did buy another sarong from a little import store in the U-dist. which I just happened to be walking by. It's pretty and smells like incense.
Today I finished my survey by playing tourist in the hour or so before work, checking out expensive downtown stores. Expensive, yes. I was going to rave about one that I discovered, strange unusual clothes like velvet pants with spider designs(!) until I started looking at price tags. Nothing under $100, and more like two or seven hundred. Just as well I guess, as I'm not allowed to buy anything that I can't wear to my new job.
Speaking of new job, my second to last stop, although more for research than shopping, was at Eddie Bauer. Research for the job or for what I'm going to buy with my 30% discount I ask myself. (Myself just smiles innocently in reply.) Out of Eddie Bauer, I discover places that I never even knew existed. A store called Trick & Murry I think, which was like a colorful office supply store. I have a strange love of office supply stores… they hold wonderful things like purple post-it notes!
The thing that finally got me though, was a quick stop at Ross where I fell in love with a beautiful full-length black coat made out of something soft (oh yes I do love soft things.) for $80, normal price $260. It was a near impulse buy but the line was long and I had to get to work.
Anyway I appologize for the incredibly girly content of clothes-buying. Heh, you'd almost think I was a girl or something.
septmember.10.1999
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I know better than to try to get any real writing done over the weekend, at my boyfriend's, so I'm going to play Tomb Raider for now.
septmember.11.1999
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Since no one seemed very interested in hearing about my friend taking me to Fetish Night last week, should I assume no one wants to hear about it this time either? I'm being corrupted, but as long as Selina's with me I can blame it on her and I'm just the innocent corruptee.
I got a new toy though. (needs a name)
septmember.12.1999
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Played Tomb Raider this weekend, another in the long list of games Jake has gotten me addicted to. Eventually I had to start letting him take over when it was time to shoot someone in Venice. I can handle the tigers. They don't shoot back.
Yea I'm pathetic in that way. But thinking back, I'd always been this way in games. Playing with my dad would work like this: I play and he watches. Something scary happens; I make him take over and shoot the giant ants. A lot of times I'd have to play with the speakers off so I wouldn't hear the scary music. The cricket sounds in the beginning of Maniac Mansion (Commodore 64 version) bothered me for some reason. And the grandfather clock ticking in the front hallway too. It sounded too much like footsteps, knowing that Edna was in the kitchen waiting to grab you…
I've also always been an avid cheater. I had the cluebooks for all the Lucasfilm games that I played (Maniac Mansion, Zakk McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.) They were funny so I read them straight through! I never considered it really cheating since I still had to do the stuff and all…
So once again my inability to walk in a straight line has killed poor Laura. I went out and bought the game for myself yesterday, used, $9.99. Jake is being a bad influence again, helping me spend money I don't have yet, but I know he just loves having a girlfriend who will buy video games!
septmember.13.1999
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Here's my girl, shooting at nothing. It would take too much cordination to get a screenshot while actually shooting at something.
septmember.14.1999
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I will eat tic tacs like candy. I don't remember buying them ever in my life, but when I have access, this is what I will do. Well after having been given some over the weekend (first time in years I'm sure) I went ahead and bought two packs before work, thinking if nothing else, I can spend my last day eating tic tacs in front of the computer. The wintergreen taste too much like toothpaste I've decided, and make coffee taste like you've just brushed your teeth. The orange are good though. I'm weird.
The commercials bother me though, saying I shouldn't be breathing without a tic tac in my mouth, that I shouldn't do this basic function of life without their product's help. Imagine if General Mills started saying "We recomend you don't let your heart beat without eating a bowl of Cheerios first."
Anyway, I'm glad to be getting out of this job. Sure I've learned some new words, but "Can find porn" hardly looks good on my resume...
septmember.15.1999
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I feel so FEMALE today; about the equivalent, I assume, of how a guy feels after watching sports all afternoon. Tuesday I got my first paycheck, Wednesday my last day of work, and today I SHOPPED. I was good though, really I was!
Now clothes shopping has some definite tie-ins to a girl's self-esteem. Finding a great new outfit puts her on an extreme high for the rest of the day. On the other hand, not finding anything, especially not finding anything that fits is devastating. Then there's the sense of accomplishment at being able to say "I found two chenille sweaters, worth $150, for $30," which I did.
After the second tantruming child I was starting to have enough of downtown, and longing towards Capital Hill. I made it there eventually, 'but first I've gotta check out that store that's going out of business… and might as well… and oh yeah… ' It all comes down to sore feet, and this feeling of old tv-show women who spend the day shopping at Macey's spending their husband's money and come home arms full of shopping bags.
septmember.16.1999
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Most of my friends in somewhat recent years have been guys, especially online. I guess I can relate to them more, and of course being the girl gives me a uniqueness that I like. I was good. .. no, great at math and into computers long before I ever heard that girls were bad at match and afraid of technology. I have to say I didn't fit any of the feminine stereotypes. So I guess this is why it surprises me that most of what I want to write about lately tends to be quite female-oriented.
Well… that and video games. I got to play Carrmageddon 2 today and I have to admit I enjoyed crushing pedestrians a little too much.
Anyway, back to girly things. I was reading about some of the controversial Luann comics strip subjects that have been covered in the past, like Luann's first period. I thought it was great, well written, dealt with well, and all… Jake liked it too which surprised me; I was expecting a "Why do we always have to hear about period stuff?"
I'm even a little jealous at how well it was handled. I lived with my dad - need I say more? He was literally afraid that I was going to bleed to death - Again, need I say more? I know, I know, no one wants to hear about this.
I would just say "deal with it" and keep going but...
Jake gave my web page addresses to someone today, so I think, 'Ack! A reader!" It's funny because I used to think I'd not worry as much about what I'm telling to people I don't know, but now I realize at least people I know are used to me.
Used to me, yes, but I never expected to be known for my weirdness. Now not only is my best friend making a list of 'stari-quotes', but I've been featured on BareSquare multiple times.
septmember.17.1999
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Jake is here making sure I write about the adorable three-legged cat, St. Francis, we saw tonight walking back to his car in lower Queen Anne. The kitty got some good pettin' and we got lotsa nice head rubs.
Walking back that was, from a free laser show (thanks to LPD Laser wanting their employees to check out the competition) of Laser Ragefest. It was free so I can't complain, and actually as one of the 99.999% of the population who doesn't make laser shows, I thought it was pretty good. The problem was the two drunk (I could smell the beer-breath the whole time) jock-boys next to me who spent the whole show yelling, "TURN IT UP MOTHERFUCKER!!! " and sing-screaming along with the whole show. Then into it I'm surprised I didn't get hit (more than once that is) when they started air-drumming, arms flailing as the one ended up closer and closer to me - cause as everyone knows, good American heterosexual boys can't be too close together in the dark - people might think things.
Actually, sometimes I feel sorry for guys and all these little manly issues they have to deal with. Poor things.
septmember.18.1999
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This is the fun event that I am not at right now...
Tomorrow is the first day at my new job, my real job.. my first real real job. It feels a little bit like starting a new school. I'm nervous, I'm thinking "What do I wear? Will they like me? Will there be a lot of homework?" And I'm so young for this. . . Will I be taken seriously?
It's like that jump from middle school to high school, where you go to the highest to lowest just like that. But this time it's school to work, a 15-year or so jump.
And I'm just rambling cause I'm nervous. And don't want to sleep. And.. and... I'm watching the X-Files movie on DVD on my computer as I type, and I bought a mulder and Laura Croft action figure this weekend to go with my Scully.
septmember.19.1999
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Forget living for the weekend, I'm more like nonexistant until the weekend.
My thought for the day: It's not nice to mess with your friends' heads when they're sleep-deprived!
where's your hair?
I cut it off
really!?
yeah a week ago
are you serious?
yeah, do you like it?
i can't see much
hehe, you believed me
septmember.21.1999
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caffine is my friiiiiiieeeeeeeennnnnd.....
septmember.22.1999